Why attention seeking behaviour makes sense.

A number of years ago someone wiser than me shared a perspective on attention that I had never heard before.

Attention-seeking behaviour is typically considered to be unfavourable in society. Yet the purpose of the behaviour is often connected to a deep-rooted evolutionary need. As an infant our survival depends on the attention of our caregivers, we need to be able to get their attention so they can meet our needs. Attention-seeking behaviour = survival.

As we develop the ability to meet many of our own physical needs attention-seeking behaviour can decrease.

We are wired for survival and passing on our genes. Sometimes attention-seeking behaviour is helpful in this pursuit (think flirting and showing off to try and win a girl/guy).

We are also wired for connection and acceptance with our tribe. Feelings of loneliness and insecurity can also trigger behaviours associated with attention-seeking because a basic human need is not being met.

So, why is this perspective helpful? Well if you are a parent it can help to reframe your child’s behaviour in a more positive way. It might also help you better understand and support attention-seeking in your child! If you are an adult, it might give you empathy for others or compassion for yourself. If you often feel the need to be at the centre of a group, to outdo others socially or feel a strong urge to have attention on you, it may be that your primitive brain (survival brain) is in control and trying its best to get your needs met.

Of course, a childhood with limited validation, acceptance and unconditional love can also influence attention-seeking well into adulthood. But it is still that need for survival and connection that underpins the behaviours.